It's Ok. No Problem.

"It's ok. No Problem." will be my go to answer for everything.

Hey Brandy! How are you!?

    It's ok. No Problem.

Is the sky blue?

     It's ok. No Problem.

Do you like me?

     It's ok. No Problem.

Brandy, you did this wrong!

     It's ok. No Problem.

Brandy! You really FUCKED this up? You idiot.

     It's ok. No Problem.

Why? The answer is this: No one wants to hear the real answer. No one cares what the real answer is. No one wants the burden of the real answer. Most importantly, no one is listening. 

There are rare instances in which someone really wants to know how you are, or why the sky is blue. Once in a while someone is going to like you so much that they sincerely want you to like them back. There will be times someone tells you that something is wrong so that you can correct it. Even rarer still is the time when someone tells you just how badly you fucked something up because they are really upset and disappointed and not because they are taking their frustrations out on you.

Well Brandy, how do you know if someone really wants the real answer? This is a tricky one. I think one way is if this person looks you in the eye. Another way is if a person looks at you like what does "It's Ok. No Problem." mean. If someone says, "no really I'm interested in how you feel".  If the questioner comes back with a full sentence requesting clarification go ahead and give it to them. I'm warning you this is rare though 

Usually the person asking said question will say ok. There will be a time when the questioner will just glower at you. At this point you can respond in 1 of 2 ways. #1 you can just put on what you feel is your most stupid looking face (you may need to practice in the mirror to know what this face feels like) or #2 you can say, "I don't know what you want me to say". I usually do number 2 because no matter how hard I try my #1 conveys annoyance and looks as though I think the person I am speaking to is a complete idiot.

So let's play this out the long way

Hey Brandy! How are you!?

    It's Ok. No Problem.

(Glower)

     I don't know what you want me to say

 Say how you feel

     I'm ok. (This is a lie. If my answer was positive I would have responded that way to begin with.)

So, Brandy? Why did you waste time writing this? 

     It's ok. No problem.

          Real answer: For the same reason you wasted time reading it.

     

Presents I Want To Present To Myself

I have been wanting a new dresser for the longest time in which to store my enormous collection of socks. I like the one pictured above the best but I have seen others that are larger. While the larger ones are more money they are cheaper in terms of storage but this West Elm baby is a beauty. This one is a contender but it doesn't match my aesthetic. I may try Ikea. If I can get a ride.

I want to add more nutritious foods to my diet for health and to reach and maintain a healthy weight. To that end I am contemplating adding some raw foods to my diet. Not the traditional raw way. I want to use regular old pasta sauce with zucchini "pasta". Make a raw side with cooked fish or even steak. To that end I think I should read a book on raw recipes. I may get the one above but who's to say. For raw cooking I will need some tools. I will not be buying a dehydrator (I'm not that deep into it). I have a mandoline slicer already (never used it). However the spiral slicer is $35 so if it falls by the way side it won't be a big deal.

I also want to start juicing. I have a standard grocery store juicer. However if the juicing ever catches on and I'm jucing for 4 months straight I will save for the Omega 8006 masticating juicer. It's expensive though. The white costs a little less. I am not so sure about juicing because I have not liked the few vegetable juices I have tasted. Plus this thing is EXPENSIVE.

'Til The Day Of Reckoning

Starting at this very moment I will be taking control of my weight. I will be doing cardio 5 days per week and monitoring my diet. I will be using this blog right here to chronicle my results. I will blog at least 3 days per week. I have the 50K Challenge for 2013 and in order to make this challenge come true I will need to increase my self confidence. As of this morning I weighed in at 192.5 lbs. My goal weight is 135 1bs. I would like to lose 25 lbs by the end of February. Wish me luck. I will have to write about the 50K Challenge another time. Just know that it does not involve running.

Hurricane Sandy

So I came out of this hurricane unscathed. No loss of electricity and no flooding in my apt building. I went out Tuesday and Target was open so I was happy.

I have not worked all week. Which has taught me a few things about myself. Number 1 being that I do not like to be home with nowhere to go or do. Yes, I could have done stuff in my apartment, but I had no interest in that. I want/wanted to go to work. Today I happily checked my work e-mail. I normaly hate checking e-mail. I also miss my co-workers. Not them as individual people so much as like an entirely different entity all unto themselves.

I was bored out of my mind. Today the subway is running so I came to Harlem to visit a friend. Which brings me to another lesson: Internet is a necessity not a want. Cable is a much needed luxury. There are just so many things you can find out during a storm that pertain to your situation rather than watching the news for 20 minutes. I could have been on twitter getting the info I wanted and the correct info regarding the subway. To hear about the subway on the news you have to wait for them to mention other transit methods first. Then they tell you to go on line for further details.  Which brings me back to Cable and why it's a much needed luxury. On broadcast TV there was non-stop news. This is bad because you can get depressed watching no-stop news all day. I started to panic Tuesday morning. I called my aunt at work because I was about to run out of cat food and my guys are on a prescription diet and the subway is down. As I was leaving the message I was like that was crazy. After I finished I wanted to erase it. So, if I had even basic cable I could have been watching Big Rich Texas or Mob Wives or something On Demand rather than flipping through channel after channel of broadcast. I was so desperate I watched PBS.

I am just using Babacar's internet and ignoring him so I better wrap this up. I am still a little panicky but it's better to be out of the house.

Something This Way Comes.....?

I need something to look forward to so I am going to set some goals.
1. Lose 60 lbs
2. Get some financial stability
3. Live a more inspired life
4. Get pregnant
5. Make more money
6. Learn to make more things
7. Throw away the extraneous
8. Learn to like myself and my people more.

I will write a separate post for each of these things. This may need to be it's own page.

Drowning

I feel as though I am drowning in debt; fear; loneliness, weight; misunderstanding. I am overwhelmed and burned out. I need an out. I need a solution.

This weekend has solidified a few things for me. I am so muddled up that I cannot concentrate on one single thing. I need my mommy. Unfortunately she needs me more. I need a hug too. No, I need a cuddle.

First Instinct

I must really remember to pay attention to my first instinct. It's there for a reason. I usually listen to First Instinct but sometimes I get roped in by aggressive advertising. Recently I gave in to something that I have for years did not want. However, I kept running into it. So then I think to myself that I should maybe give it a go. Then BAM! HOLY COW! BATMAN! it just doesn't work out. I hate getting roped in by faulty advertising by something I did not want in the first place to have it go wrong. And it always goes wrong.