Triggered -

I called a friend last night just to talk about nothing really. This person bought up a subject that we usually don't agree on. The core beliefs are there but we just have differing opinions about what should be done. I feel this person thinks that if you do not agree with them 100% then you are wrong and will not listen to what you have to say. If you bring something up to me and I listen to you and agree then you should let me have my opinion too.

The Guggenheim has a show called  “Art and China after 1989: Theater of the World” of which 3 exhibits have been pulled.

The Guggenheim has issued a statement that you can read on their website.

Pulling "Theater of the World" I get it - even though pet stores kill animals everyday. I feel that it's ok to show the other exhibits as the films were made long before this show so animals were not harmed just for an exhibit at the Guggenheim. I do not feel the films further animal cruelty as that crowd isn't going to the Guggenheim - an adult non-member ticket is $15.00. I never would have heard of the exhibit were it not for animal rights activists. I wouldn't want to see this exhibit.

There are things that people say and do that go against the sensibilities of average people. People are flawed and just because what someone does disturbs you doesn't mean it should not be shown or talked about. All across this country Universities are canceling speeches because a group of students doesn't want said speaker there. Ideas need to be challenged.

Huang Yong Ping’s “Theater of the World,” which features live insects and reptiles.

Xu Bing’s “A Case Study of Transference,” 1994. The artwork originally featured live pigs, but the Guggenheim was going to use a video of the Beijing performance. 

Sun Yuan and Peng Yu’s “Dogs That Cannot Touch Each Other,” a seven-minute video with eight American pit bulls on eight treadmills.

You can watch part of the video by clicking here. Skip to about 1:30 min into video. Now this is some f*cked up stuff. However an animal rights person uploaded this to youtube so that you don't have to pay money for animal cruelty - You can have it for free.

C




redit

The Not So Sweet Sorrow of Parting

I have been trying to incorporate healthier things into my diet. I started small. I have been making smoothies for a long time. A year ago I discovered the site Green Smoothies (.com). They were having a green smoothie challenge. As I was not new to smoothies and had even had a green one or 2 in my day I decided to give it a try. The challenge was 1 green smoothie a day for 30 days. The 30 days lasted all Spring and into October and here and there throughout December and January. I had to slow my roll because it has been cold and I was using frozen fruit.

In this time I went from using vanilla yogurt then plain yogurt and now I am using unsweetened almond milk. I have also done some other things in the last 3 months. Such as cooking more of my own food and using no dairy to cook and reducing the amount of oils I use to cook as well. There have been side effects. Sad but true.

The flavors that were once a source of great comfort and satisfaction have begun to lose some of their luster. It's a sad time for me. I will start with the worse and get to the better. McDonald's no longer tastes the same. The other day I tried once more just to try to keep my hand in it and the once delicious fries I found had a weird after taste. Last week I had a bacon egg and cheese on bagel and it was not a good as it should have been. Wow! What am I gonna do.

All is not lost however, there are certain things that do still bring me joy. I am shifting away from the over processed though and that's a good thing. I still like chicken and cheese and butter. I will not be having these things all the time and I will be cooking more. I am getting to a healthier place in my life and that's a good thing. There are other challenges though. Such as increasing my range of foods but that's a story for another day. Maybe in 6 months. That's about how often I post here. Right?

What I Want to be happy

1. To be living in a house or apartment that I rent or own that has at least 300 square feet of garden space.

Photo of Loi Thai's garden by Jennifer Sergent of DC by Design Blog

Borrowed from boxwoodterrace.blogspot.com

Whenever I imagine my life and where I live there is always outdoor space.

2. I need to be earning about $120,000 per year.

Borrowed from agbeat.com

I am just bored with being broke as hell. What more can I say. Coupled with the reality that I am getting older and less attractive the probability of me finding a rich husband is diminishing in direct proportion to my fertility.

3. Employment that I really enjoy and excel at that allows me flexible time. I think I need to be self employed.

The women who came before me had fewer opportunities.

It's time to take advantage of the sacrifices made for me.

4. Happiness, Wisdom, Health

 (a panel from Jacob Lawrence's 1940-41 "Migration Series") 

(© Jacob and Gwendolyn Lawrence Foundation, Seattle / ARS, NY /

Museum of Modern Art / SCALA / Art Resource, NY) 

It's Ok. No Problem.

"It's ok. No Problem." will be my go to answer for everything.

Hey Brandy! How are you!?

    It's ok. No Problem.

Is the sky blue?

     It's ok. No Problem.

Do you like me?

     It's ok. No Problem.

Brandy, you did this wrong!

     It's ok. No Problem.

Brandy! You really FUCKED this up? You idiot.

     It's ok. No Problem.

Why? The answer is this: No one wants to hear the real answer. No one cares what the real answer is. No one wants the burden of the real answer. Most importantly, no one is listening. 

There are rare instances in which someone really wants to know how you are, or why the sky is blue. Once in a while someone is going to like you so much that they sincerely want you to like them back. There will be times someone tells you that something is wrong so that you can correct it. Even rarer still is the time when someone tells you just how badly you fucked something up because they are really upset and disappointed and not because they are taking their frustrations out on you.

Well Brandy, how do you know if someone really wants the real answer? This is a tricky one. I think one way is if this person looks you in the eye. Another way is if a person looks at you like what does "It's Ok. No Problem." mean. If someone says, "no really I'm interested in how you feel".  If the questioner comes back with a full sentence requesting clarification go ahead and give it to them. I'm warning you this is rare though 

Usually the person asking said question will say ok. There will be a time when the questioner will just glower at you. At this point you can respond in 1 of 2 ways. #1 you can just put on what you feel is your most stupid looking face (you may need to practice in the mirror to know what this face feels like) or #2 you can say, "I don't know what you want me to say". I usually do number 2 because no matter how hard I try my #1 conveys annoyance and looks as though I think the person I am speaking to is a complete idiot.

So let's play this out the long way

Hey Brandy! How are you!?

    It's Ok. No Problem.

(Glower)

     I don't know what you want me to say

 Say how you feel

     I'm ok. (This is a lie. If my answer was positive I would have responded that way to begin with.)

So, Brandy? Why did you waste time writing this? 

     It's ok. No problem.

          Real answer: For the same reason you wasted time reading it.

     

Presents I Want To Present To Myself

I have been wanting a new dresser for the longest time in which to store my enormous collection of socks. I like the one pictured above the best but I have seen others that are larger. While the larger ones are more money they are cheaper in terms of storage but this West Elm baby is a beauty. This one is a contender but it doesn't match my aesthetic. I may try Ikea. If I can get a ride.

I want to add more nutritious foods to my diet for health and to reach and maintain a healthy weight. To that end I am contemplating adding some raw foods to my diet. Not the traditional raw way. I want to use regular old pasta sauce with zucchini "pasta". Make a raw side with cooked fish or even steak. To that end I think I should read a book on raw recipes. I may get the one above but who's to say. For raw cooking I will need some tools. I will not be buying a dehydrator (I'm not that deep into it). I have a mandoline slicer already (never used it). However the spiral slicer is $35 so if it falls by the way side it won't be a big deal.

I also want to start juicing. I have a standard grocery store juicer. However if the juicing ever catches on and I'm jucing for 4 months straight I will save for the Omega 8006 masticating juicer. It's expensive though. The white costs a little less. I am not so sure about juicing because I have not liked the few vegetable juices I have tasted. Plus this thing is EXPENSIVE.

'Til The Day Of Reckoning

Starting at this very moment I will be taking control of my weight. I will be doing cardio 5 days per week and monitoring my diet. I will be using this blog right here to chronicle my results. I will blog at least 3 days per week. I have the 50K Challenge for 2013 and in order to make this challenge come true I will need to increase my self confidence. As of this morning I weighed in at 192.5 lbs. My goal weight is 135 1bs. I would like to lose 25 lbs by the end of February. Wish me luck. I will have to write about the 50K Challenge another time. Just know that it does not involve running.

Hurricane Sandy

So I came out of this hurricane unscathed. No loss of electricity and no flooding in my apt building. I went out Tuesday and Target was open so I was happy.

I have not worked all week. Which has taught me a few things about myself. Number 1 being that I do not like to be home with nowhere to go or do. Yes, I could have done stuff in my apartment, but I had no interest in that. I want/wanted to go to work. Today I happily checked my work e-mail. I normaly hate checking e-mail. I also miss my co-workers. Not them as individual people so much as like an entirely different entity all unto themselves.

I was bored out of my mind. Today the subway is running so I came to Harlem to visit a friend. Which brings me to another lesson: Internet is a necessity not a want. Cable is a much needed luxury. There are just so many things you can find out during a storm that pertain to your situation rather than watching the news for 20 minutes. I could have been on twitter getting the info I wanted and the correct info regarding the subway. To hear about the subway on the news you have to wait for them to mention other transit methods first. Then they tell you to go on line for further details.  Which brings me back to Cable and why it's a much needed luxury. On broadcast TV there was non-stop news. This is bad because you can get depressed watching no-stop news all day. I started to panic Tuesday morning. I called my aunt at work because I was about to run out of cat food and my guys are on a prescription diet and the subway is down. As I was leaving the message I was like that was crazy. After I finished I wanted to erase it. So, if I had even basic cable I could have been watching Big Rich Texas or Mob Wives or something On Demand rather than flipping through channel after channel of broadcast. I was so desperate I watched PBS.

I am just using Babacar's internet and ignoring him so I better wrap this up. I am still a little panicky but it's better to be out of the house.

Something This Way Comes.....?

I need something to look forward to so I am going to set some goals.
1. Lose 60 lbs
2. Get some financial stability
3. Live a more inspired life
4. Get pregnant
5. Make more money
6. Learn to make more things
7. Throw away the extraneous
8. Learn to like myself and my people more.

I will write a separate post for each of these things. This may need to be it's own page.

Drowning

I feel as though I am drowning in debt; fear; loneliness, weight; misunderstanding. I am overwhelmed and burned out. I need an out. I need a solution.

This weekend has solidified a few things for me. I am so muddled up that I cannot concentrate on one single thing. I need my mommy. Unfortunately she needs me more. I need a hug too. No, I need a cuddle.

First Instinct

I must really remember to pay attention to my first instinct. It's there for a reason. I usually listen to First Instinct but sometimes I get roped in by aggressive advertising. Recently I gave in to something that I have for years did not want. However, I kept running into it. So then I think to myself that I should maybe give it a go. Then BAM! HOLY COW! BATMAN! it just doesn't work out. I hate getting roped in by faulty advertising by something I did not want in the first place to have it go wrong. And it always goes wrong.

Wrapped-Up!

Here are images of 2 skirts I made this month. Foundation pieced.

The fabrics are the same in both skirts.

I do not post here often as there is not much going on here but, when there is I will post .

It's My Birthday.......

Well, Not Today......But Soon

Last year was a rough year. This time last year I was told to find another place to live and spent the next 3 months looking for a new residence. I now have a really cool apartment with a balcony. Money is tight though. I don't expect 2011 to be any easier. In fact it will be harder. However, I have decided to buy myself gifts for my Birthday. What am I getting?
1. All Star Marimekko Converse
2. A pair of Tie Dyed Tights from Sock Dreams
3. The Faerie's Guide to Green Magick from the Garden book


Why these things? Because I don't need them. Just knowing that I will have presents makes me happy.

Oh! Wow!.....A Small Up-Date

It has been a long time since I last published anything here in my little piece of the web. I have been going through some changes that were forced upon me and to which I needed to respond to. If this were a Shakespearean play I would say I am at the climax.

Down the Rabbit Hole>>>>Depressing: Read at your own risk

So, I have to move again. I have to go through my things to edit(throw away) about 30% of my belongings. I have to decide what is worth keeping. This means that a certain percentage of the things I've acquired over the past 4 years were a waste of money.

Sittin' Up In My Room

"Sittin' Up In My Room" aside from being one of pop singer Brandy's last hits is exactly what your "home girl" did today. I am also in for the night. I am also hungry, that's beside the point though.

See this little beauty below. I made it today. I only need to stitch the edges and decide if it will be a pillow case or part of a quilt. I don't know.I like to make "cloth" to borrow from Jude but I do not feel the need to actually make something with it after I'm done.

Thanksgiving 2009

I visited my aunt Audrey in Missouri for thanks giving. I learned that Missouri is a big beef state. I saw many Angus cows, hay, and farmland.

"Out to Pasture"

My aunt has a 15 year old Cocker Spaniel named "Mad Dog" by me her real name starts with a D, sounds like Daisy but isn't. I call her "Mad Dog" just because I've heard about some of her exploits. She does not care to be outside, begs relentlessly, will eat anything edible, and is not the best guard dog. I say all these things with a huge amount of affection.

"Mad Dog"

I found a relic from my Childhood which just so happens to have Audrey's name in it written by my grandma. It's a Golden Book copy of Cinderella. The copyright date is 1950 so I think it was most likely my aunt Susan's or my mom's as they were both born around this time and Audrey is only around 40.

Cover

Before the bad news.

After she marries the Prince

My Aunt has some interesting opinions concerning Cinderella. I have 1 more picture to share from this book. I will share it in a post I plan to write concerning Audrey's opinion regarding Cinderella.

Sham: Pillow Sham That Is

I went to Bed Bath &Beyond today to procure (lol) a set of Bodum glasses for my aunt whom I will be spending ThanksGiving with. I did not have my coupon and the glasses cost almost $40.00 so I left them.

On my way to Whole Foods after leaving BB& I stopped into West Elm and fell in love with the print in the above picture. I did not want the duvet or the coordinating pillows just the pillow sham. There are times that I know that if I do not get something I will keep thinking about it and this was one of those purchases. So, I paid the $32.00 for 1 Sham.

I could have just bought the damn glasses. I will get them before I leave Wednesday.

Peace.

Hair Care

Ok. I bought Kinky Curly Knot Today because I thought it was a moisturizer like the Neutrogena Triple Moisture Leave in Cream. Turns out it's a conditioner to be used alone or in conjunction with their other products. I have only used it a few times. The Verdict: It's lite which makes it a good leave in. It allows your oils to work better. Almost like a conduit. I would not want to use it to detangle. When I washed my hair I applied this after rinsing my deep conditioner and then added my Shea Mix. After adding the Shea Mix my hair was ready to be detangled.

Selection: Song Of Myself by Walt Whitman

2
Houses and rooms are full of perfumes, the shelves are crowded with
perfumes,
I breathe the fragrance myself and know it and like it,
The distillation would intoxicate me also, but I shall not let it.
The atmosphere is not a perfume, it has no taste of the
distillation, it is odorless,
It is for my mouth forever, I am in love with it,
I will go to the bank by the wood and become undisguised and naked,
I am mad for it to be in contact with me.

Mmmn........Where do I begin?

Mmmn........Where do I begin?

So, I want to see what the hype surrounding castor oil is all about. However, As far as the best oils for your hair interms of penetrating to the cortex, I have read that coconut oil and avocado oil are the best. I combined all 3.

I do not like liquid oils so I will order some beeswax to make this a solid. I am shooting for ointment consistency.

WARNING: Do not touch your eyes after handling this. Wash hands thoroughly.